Agents of SHIELD 1.11

The Magic Place” Well he’s sort of not a LMD I guess???  Alien tech dealer, Vanchat gets busted by the team and Victoria Hand with her gaggle of shield ops and when they get him on board, Director Hand has now commandeered the AOS plane. The team is furiously trying to find any information of where Coulson is, including Skye who tries to hack into the SHIELD system and, of course, gets caught.  Hand says get off the plane, Grant defends her and Melinda states very specifically, “Skye is no use to them on the plane”, wink, wink.  No, seriously did you all catch the play on words?  See because if Skye is on the plane then she will not be of use to them, thereby making her useless to them. Here let me try it a different way because you still might not be getting it.  If we have a plane that flies in the sky and Skye is on it… really?  So the rest of the team that is not Skye, give her a 1-time Nike Fitbit blocker so she can access the internet. In the meantime, Po and Raina try to give Coulson a forehead tan in a mini tanning booth but Po tries to do it by torturing him and Raina tries to do it by just talking really sweet to him.  Bees and honey win out because Po proves that cell phone use can kill you when The Clairvoyant makes the veins on his face bulge out while he’s on the phone and he dies.  Raina tells Coulson she doesn’t want SHIELD info just the secret to resurrection. The newly deplaned Skye, steals a SUV then crashes so she can get a CEO of an internet company to hack for her, all the while playacting that she is Melinda May – getup and all.  Is she really that unaware of how useless CEO’s really are? When security arrives to take her out she uses all the training Grant has been giving her to swiftly make one of them her new coder.  She figures out where he is.  The team figures out where his is and they converge on the Mojave desert.  Coulson, in the forehead tanner, learns that the the surgeries that SHIELD performed on him were traumatic enough that he wanted to die while they were doing them and then the team saves him.  Afterwords he hunts down the doctor that was there during the last surgery who tells him he was dead for days and the work that was done to him was horrible and they had to ultimately reprogram him with a will to live because he had none. Oh and Mike is still alive but badly burned, missing half a leg, and now has one of those eye thingies. Agents of SHIELD is tvthatiwatch.

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